Bijgewerkt: 1 okt 2020
The past integration weekend for couples is still alive and present in our mind. The courage of the participants deeply touched me. The courage to dare to sink into the pains of the relationship together, to face the challenges, was huge.
It is a big opportunity to grow as a couple, but it always takes courage and love.
An intimate relationship offers the opportunity to grow within areas of our own development where we would otherwise not be able to get by ourselves. No one but our partner can touch us in certain pain points. Personally, I think that falling in love at the beginning of a relationship is perfect to blind us, so to speak, because we might not go further if we already knew the continuation.
Yes, we will evolve, and yes, it will not always be pleasant.
All too often we see a relationship as the meeting of two individuals, and because of this limited image we do not understand why we or the other respond in a certain way.
A fierce emotional reaction perhaps to a comment that we had not intended at all. But it turns out to be very intense for the other person.
Do we really speak another language?
Does the message we send change on the way to our partner?
There is more room within a relationship if we broaden our consciousness. It is not only a meeting between 2 people, but also a meeting between the male and female poles of both partners, between the hurt inner children, between both karmic bodies.
In reality, a relationship is therefore a meeting between 2 very complex energetic systems, which in the case of a good relationship come closer together: on a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical level.
I experience it as 2 systems with each their tentacles constantly scanning the other. And if it hurts, give a signal to withdraw.
This is simply our logical reflex when karmic injuries are hit. We fight or we flee. We withdraw into our own pain body. Even though we live together in the same house, there is no real contact anymore. Our life becomes an accumulation of quarrels: the materialization of fighting behavior.
Nothing more than our self-defense mechanism that sees no other option to protect itself.
I suspect that everyone in an intimate relationship has already experienced that these 2 instinctive responses do not produce lasting results. It creates winners and losers, and that forms the basis for the next conflict.
A relational conflict is in itself an excellent opportunity for both, a leap within our personal evolution and within our couple. For this, however, we need to broaden our awareness that our relationship is a meeting between so much more. Behind both partners are countless ancestors, each with countless experiences in the matter, that we carry with us in our DNA. The victories, the good experiences, the wisdom, but also the unprocessed karmic pains.
If we do nothing with it, we simply unconsciously pass it on to the next generations, so that the family programs simply repeat themselves. They usually get stronger with each generation, so that at a certain moment a point is reached where we can no longer ignore it. We are in a stranglehold.
I am so fascinated by discovering the space between the two extremes of fighting or fleeing, and the results keep amazing me.
This does not mean that it is less difficult when the tentacles of our pain bodies touch each other, but we are aware of the wider picture.
It starts with a conscious choice, a commitment to our relationship.